"You'll laugh at this tomorrow...": May 2011

Thursday, 26 May 2011

"I ended up looking like a transvestite/alien/Kesha"

I found this post saved in drafts, clearly at the time I didn't think it exciting enough first time round, non-the-less here it is, since not much else is happening atm.

At the bar, Shimmey looks into her purse "I literally have no money" starts counting out coppers and takes these to the bar

Barman "What are you doing with all that shrapnel? You sever her."

Barman 2 *grumble grumble*

Snoopy, Enigma and Lark end up having a poking fight in the corner of the bar cue giggles and flailing limbs

Barmnan 2 tuns round and just laughs (shame)

Trying on makeup for the British bop
Shimmey "I ended up looking like a transvestite/alien/Kesha"
Snoise "I wish it was socially aceptable to wear blue lipstick"

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Sex Cousins Frape.

Snoise facebook rapes Faceboy. the ensuing conversation shows extent od revision maddness and incorporates many of the running jokes of the last few weeks, including the growing array of "awkward" symbols, sex cousins, "man has sex with post" game. Also the resurgence of some classics such as "NUMBERWANG" alternatives. My favourite is still "CHURCHWANG"

Faceboy
‎Enigma is now legally my sex cousin not yours! hahahaaha

Sunday at 20:31

- Enigma
  
  ‎???????
  
  Sunday at 20:38 ·
- M-Dog What?
  
  Sunday at 20:45 ·
- Faceboy
  
  Blame the Druid.
  
  Sunday at 20:45 ·
- M-Dog
  
  And by what name does the druid go by?
  
  Sunday at 20:46 ·
- Shimmey octupus has sex with whiskey bottle
  
  Sunday at 21:01 ·
- Camel What's a octupus when it's at home?
  
  Sunday at 21:06 ·
- Snoise
  
  Camel has sex with scientology
  
  Sunday at 21:28 ·
- Camel
  
  Unfortunately, it's an abstract noun, so no, I can't :(
  
  Sunday at 21:30 ·
- Enigma
  
  what the ****??? could someone please explain?
  
  Sunday at 21:33 ·
- Snoise
  
  unicorn has sex with answer
  
  Sunday at 21:37 ·
- Snoise his name is jim
  
  Sunday at 21:37 ·
- M-Dog
  
  BOB!
  
  Sunday at 21:43 ·
- Faceboy
  
  MORNINGTON CRESCENT
  
  Sunday at 21:47 ·
  · 1 person
- Shimmey and that's sexwang(?)
  
  Sunday at 21:47 ·
  · 1 person
- Enigma
  
  O_O
  
  Sunday at 22:21 ·
- Camel
  
  Leave Enigma's sexwang alone.
  
  Sunday at 23:11 ·
- Faceboy
  
  Awkward Jar.
  
  Sunday at 23:13 ·

Sunday, 22 May 2011

Twittering

the best of twitter

Rants and quotes from the past month in case you missed some of the mini moments of madness by the YLATT gang!

potential revision/caffeine overdose; shaking and managed to inadvertently punch two walls this evening.
15 hours ago

got an exam paper back in which i'd wrote 'Darwin's abdominal mystery' rather than 'Darwin's abominable mystery'
20 hours ago

Shimmey "Now i'm thinking about how hairy Huge might be"
21 hours ago

just had a slow motion cheesy film style moment of despair. then it was fine, i found my pro plus.
20 May

Ireland " we had facial relations" *laughter* " i just meant we were looking at each other!"
18 May

In reference to final exams, Melon; "...it's like I'm pregnant. The only other time you can eat all you want is when your pregnant"
17 May

I NEED to get out of uni. apart from wizard thing the other day just saw a pic of a white horse and thought "ooooo unicorn!". Need Reality.
15 May

Enigma "- annoyingly my left arm is still happy, shy and sexy...oh and a woman"
15 May

spent the evening help Shimmey draw on Enigma with white board markers then over slept. this is not good for my revision. argh.
15 May

6 weeks left to find a husband before i leave uni.... not looking promising :?
14 May

oh look theres people dressed like wizards...oh wait ther university robes...
14 May

just removed 12 bowls, 10 plates, 8 mugs and a jug from my room....
12 May

dreamt about a book that doesnt exist and bears wearing purple dresses with signs saying NO FISH, MORE CAKE. preexam mental state= declining
12 May
Managed to sneak a mug of coffee into the library, only to precede to spill it all down my self, on my bag & across the floor. caffeine fail
12 May

revision has caused me to be simultaneously angry and deeply upset; that is telling my lecture notes to go fuck off and pretending to cry :?
11 May

"you invited 500 people to your birthday party. there cannot be that many people you actually like"
11 May

we should really stop playing the awkward game. soon it will go to far and get really...well....awkward
8 May

Ireland. " im going to be moderate...fuck this im getting another drink, i never really intended to be moderate"
8 May

lord finals makes people crazy when around alcohol
8 May

terry: the men in films nowdays ARE NOT MANLY ENOUGH
6 May

enigma " i dont take orders from women." prob gonna regret saying that one day.
5 May

"Who's going to disgrace themselves tonight" Shimmey; "ME!"
4 May

so the alcohol induced pain has pretty much subsided; now i can look back in amusement rather than pure shame....
4 May

LOVE QUADRANGLE
4 May

we drew a pulling map. it was quite incestuous. then we added violence, sexual tension,carried home by,propositioned then was just a mess.
3 May

FLAIL
2 May

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Straddle

the growing pile of revision notes etc take over the kitchen

"awkward straddle"

far too much amusement comes from late night back stretching

Faceboy: can you stand on my back? can I have a massage?

Dribbles: ok but i may have to straddle you ... *jumps on faceboy* .. awkward straddle!

Dribbles goes up to Snoise and climbs on her

Dribbles: AWKWARD STRADDLE

Snoise: this is awkward as all i can see are your boobs... can i please look at your face

*dribbles licks her face and gets off... Snoise looks traumatised*

Dribbles: there you go...no matter how bad revision gets, it cant be as bad as being straddled and having your face licked.

*********************

A while back when drunk Terry claimed to have "the biggest kingdom"

Terry: I have decided now Bushhead is gone to claim his room as part of my kingdom

GoodAids: in that case now J is gone I claim his room as part of mine!

Terry: whose in the room on the other side of you? I shall make an alliance and invade your kingdom!

Faceboy: did you just say you were going to "invade" Goodaids? *laughter*

Snoise: surely this is a bad idea as she can just make an alliance with me and Brittany and then you will be surrounded by hostile territories?

*discussion of who is which country in WW2, Terry is Germany the aggressor, Goodaids is Poland, Snoise France, Enigma Italy and so on)

Terry: I shall gather my allies to invade!

Snoise: Goodaids, I think your going to be gang-invaded

Goodaids: *loooking scared* I dont want to be gang invaded.....ahhhh

***************

phone rape : Snoise and Faceboy to Enigma from Dribbles phone: "you are my favourite sex brother"

" no your are not. I was lying. Shimmey is"

Enigma: who is this?

Faceboy off Dr phone: your worst nightmare

the next day

Enigma: does any one recognise this number!?

Faceboy: oh that was me

Enigma: but who sent it? whats going on?

*Snoise bursts out laughing*

Enigma: i dont understand

Faceboy to Snoise: i just told him it was me and yet he still looks confused. this is excellent.

Faceboy to Enigma: so I hear you and M-Dog are now sex cousins?

Enigma: WHAT?

***************

in the library

Trilobite turns round to talk to Shimmey

Trilobite ".... er, why is Dribbles under your desk"

Thursday, 19 May 2011

"no you really need a tiger"

in the middle of an unsupervised mock exam

Snoise: my only plan to pass this is to hire a group of international saboteurs to get the paper disqualified
Terry: that wont work, you need someone to kill themselves in the exam...they cant count it if something that traumatising happens. thats a bit bad though, MAYBE we could just sneak a giant shark into the room
G: that wouldnt work surely it would just flail around a bit
Terry: yes and they have really retardedly placed teeth. hmmmm. no. you really need a tiger...
M-Dog: so you dont want anyone to get killed, only maimed.
Terry: yes only maimed
Snoise: our tutor is just going to find "Shark" written in the middle of my exam answer

******************
Dribbles and Snoise late night work session. Camel walks in

Camel: WHAT YOU GUYS ARE STILL AWAKE? *falls over in fainting motion. Dribbles and Snoise look at each other. Camel stays on the floor*
Dribbles: did he really just faint?
Snoise: ummm
*he gets up*
Dribbles: did you really just faint?
Camel: NO i fell over in a controlled fashion

Some other quotes

Camel : AWKWARD ZONE UNDEFEATED
Dribbles: yes. yes it is.

a bit later into the conversation
Dribbles: wait a minute... Camel...are you drunk?
Camel: YES IM FUCKING DRUNK
Snoise: wow, i totally just thought that was 2 am work maddness
Dribbles: yeh me too.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

The Kitchen Quoteboard

In case you didn’t know this blog arose in part from a joke about Texts from Last Night being renamed “Texts from Shimmeys Night” but mostly from the Kitchen Quoteboard. A almost 2 year long tradition in which the best quotes are recorded, no context just as they are. 1 veto each. However since everyones been so busy the quoteboards died a bit of late but here are some of the best:

Shimmey: IT’S THE LOVE QUADRANGLE!

“im not excited by citrus fruits”

Shimmey to Faceboy “ you literally ruined my mouth”

“how would you have sex with a velocoraptor?”

Sh to Terry “im glad you felt guilty enough to pay them”

Enigma: it happened again! JESUS CHRIST

Terry: Winnie the Pooh has ruined more childhoods than I have!

Terry’s horoscope “you will experience a new type of relationship”- Terry “what- with my left hand?”

Terry: is that Justin from Hollyoaks *GAWP*

Dribbles: Orlando Bloom is quite pretty….IF YOU’RE A LESBIAN!

To Faceboy: why are you masturbating in my hair/ on my head?

Bushhead: I shrink in water

Faceboy “delia smith, a spatula, a reptile”

Enigma: whats that?

Snoise: Faceboys telling me his sexual fantasy. Im scarred.

Snoise: that would be tricking the badger into being raped

Terry: so essentially its something rubbing against your penis and that’s ok whatever it is

Faceboy: im just imagining running into a burning building and chopping off your legs and carrying them out

Monday, 16 May 2011

Queens nose

Note passing Ball Face and Terry

T: I have found a way to pass finals without all this bullshit
B: is it sex related?
T: no i have located the queens nose. its in the bag...lets go get drunk
B: what are you doing here then?
Snoise: bernards watch would be better *Terry looks thoughtful then shakes his watch at her*

****
Ireland on work star chart system
I: i fell like i havent had a star in ages!
Ballface: what do you need to do to get a star?
I: work for six hours and not be hungover...i think thats whats dragging me down.

***********
ACDC: if Goodaids was here....
G: I am here! am i just so small and old you couldnt see me?
ACDC: yes.
WC: theres one word for that...CRONE.

*************
Terry: the lib dems did exactly the opposite of what they said in their mannifesto. they said they werent going to raise tutition fees! its almost as bad as Snoise saying she wouldnt get off with Snoopy and doing it anyway. *turns to Snoise* your like Nick Clegg! you disgust me.
Faceboy: haha, next time I see snoopy im just going to shake my fist and shout NINE THOUSAND POUNDS!
***************

Snoise to dribbles: can we make a film about your childhood?
Dribbles: you mean like an uplifting story?
Snoise: yes it will be hilarious!
Huge: explain....
Snoise: whenever Dribbles talks about her childhood its simultaneously hilarious and quite sad
Dribbles: when i went to ballet I used to wear my hair in a long plait. when i used to piroet it would hit me in the eye. id be like OOWWWW and my ballet teacher would come over and be like " TWINKLE-SAUSAGE try better next time!"
Snoise: awwwwwww

Sunday, 15 May 2011

"why does the frog have teeth!!??"

Shimmeys perfect man, tall, ripped...

Blimp/penis/frog with teeth

Enigma: Im drawing a blimp

Shimmey turns it into a penis with 2 lines

Enigma: nooooooo!

Shimmey then adds eyes and teeth

Faceboy: what is it?

Shimmey: a frog

Faceboy: but why does a frog have teeth!!!!??

Playing with white board markers

Shimmey and Snoise write on Enigma" "Woman" "Enigma likes men and bums"

Shimmey: I like how we both went for the same theme there"

Enigma: Great

Snoise: we can write something more complementary if you like...as long as we can write it across your face

Enigma ends up with SEXY written in red pen across his forehead and arm

Enigma lying down looks at his arm : oh yay, I'm still sexy

Enigma facebook status next day: Faceboy, Snoise, Shimmey annoyingly my left arm is still happy, shy and sexy...oh and a woman

Saturday, 14 May 2011

It's so funny because it's accurate

Tutor "...oh I shouldn't tell you that."
Shimmey "Go on...."
Tutor "Ahhh alright then..."
Follows with anecdote

"So the future human race will have four nipples and two penis'! .... well that's what I concluded from that conversation"

talking about getting our tutor a present
Italy "...I'll just give him my boobs"
Bushhead "argh there he is!!! do you think they heard?"

******

Bushehad "Yea, so i licked your face while you were getting off with him"
Shimmey "You did that's amazing!!!"
Busheads "Really!? The first time it was funny, and we were even after you did it to me... I can't believe I do it again"
Shimmey "That's the best thing I've heard yet about that evening!"

******

Italy grabs Shimmeys arm
Shimmey "It's my to do list" refers to list written on her arm, listing things she needs to revise
Italy "Darwins dead, how could you!"
walks off through library "You disgust me"

*****

Referring to the gossip column "...how it had to be as they were both incapable of standing up"
Snoise "It's so funny because it's accurate"
Shimmey "YOU WERE ALREADY IN BED"

*******
Snoise and Enigma are talking on the street and Dribbles and Shimmey walk past on the other side of the road

Shimmey: SNOISE ENIGMA!!! HEEEEEELLLLOOOOOOO!!!! *proceeds to stare at them and wave frantically almost the whole way down the street, then Sh and dribbles break into a sort of skipping dance for the rest of the way*
Snoise and Enigma stare after them and then turn to look at each other
Snoise: Oh dear
Enigma: WOW
Snoise: i now have no idea what we were talking about.

*****

Trilobite "So there was this rumour that had spread through all the next years applicants about a person that walked into the cupboard instead of out the door after his interview.... Yea it was me; I didn't actually walk into the cupboard, just nearly. Even though I didn't stay in there for 5 minutes like the rumour suggests I still felt a bit of an idiot; I don't understand how i got accepted in!"

*******
amusing face book

Girl 1
disappointed by pippa middleton's tits

Monday, 9 May 2011

"Get off Facebook"

Revision boredom post

Dribbles to Faceboy ( in the library) : would it be weird if you stood on my back right here?

Snoise: you could go in the corridor?

They walk off into the corridor

Dribbles to Faceboy (back in M building) : will you step on my spine?

From the other room Snoise hears : OMG STOP RAPING MY SPINE

Texts

Snoise to Terry: are you in the S library?

Terry: I am on a higher intellectual plane

Snoise: your bed?

Terry: lucky guess

Snoise: not really. its where you are 85% of the time.

FB

Faceboy-> Snoise : Get off of Facebook. (sat next to each other)

2 hours ago ·

- Snoise: you get off facebook im having a break
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy: disagree
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy: with your face
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise im looking at you this is pointless
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy not as pointless as Dribble's face.
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise true
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise (looking across at Dribbles)
  
  suspcious face
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy (she looks back confused)
  
  confusticated face
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise
  
  confused face
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Dribbles
  
  angry face
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy
  
  PIRATE
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise
  
  TARDIS
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Dribbles
  
  get away from me you massive freak face
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy
  
  your face is bigger
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Dribbles come hither face
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy ‎(but more beautious)
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise
  
  TARDIS!
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Dribbles
  
  I want to be doctor who
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise
  
  i want to be WITH doctor who....in a travelling sense of course
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy
  
  you'd definately destroy the universe...
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy
  
  I bet he has many speedboats...
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise
  
  tardis beats speedboat
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Dribbles
  
  true
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Dribbles
  
  bet there's a speed boat in the tardis swimming pool
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise
  
  hot tub. tardis hot tub party. new dream.
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy
  
  and a sex dungeon
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Faceboy
  
  and a freezer
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise
  
  nooooooo.
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Dribbles
  
  can we get Snoise naked? she'[d definately get naked for the doctor
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Snoise
  
  n hes going out with an underwear model in real life. too insecure to try and compete with that
  
  2 hours ago ·
- Dribbles
  
  she'd probably look rubbish frozen though
  
  2 hours ago ·

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