Mrs Bennet

An evening with Snoise's family




mum: shes just faking, she definately doesnt have chronic depression
Snoise: how do you know, you a counsellor, you not being very sympathetic
mum: when i was there the other day she had a cold and didnt get out of bed.  I had a cold AND a sore throat AND i couldnt breathe AND my back hurt and I went to scotland

mum: you dont want to end up like your aunt, 56, toothless and single
Snoise: she lost her teeth in an accident!
mum: but she hasnt fixed them yet has she. you need to marry someone to take care of you. you should marry that friend of yours! the one with the job! he definately likes you! I can tell from your facebook photos
Snoise: what are you talking about??
dad: we dont have to marry her off just yet
Mum: im not saying we should marry her off. I wouldnt mind if she had her own home and toy boys ...or girls or something...but was financially secure
Sn: STOP INTERFERING IN MY LIFE. I know who you remind me of! Mrs Bennet. soon your be wearing bonnets, boasting how il be married by spring and wailing for your smelling salts!
Mum; EXCELLENT. THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA. I will wear eccentric clothes and be crazy
dad: you mean you dont do that already?
mum: and I will take to my bed and complain constantly to make you all take care of me?
dad: you mean you dont do that already?
Snoise: I dont think youd enjoy this comparison so much if you reread the book. Mrs Bennet is very embarrassing. Like you. I definately wont introduce you to anyone until I actually am going to marry them
Mum: but you dont give me anything to speculate about! at the moment you could be marrying the cat or the heron and thats it.
Snoise: thanks mum.


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dad: I used to get the bus to selfridges, wander around then buy a big slice of fresh brie from the foodhall and eat it on the bus home.
Snoise: how old were you?
dad: thirteen
Mum: and there...you can see the sort of boy your dad was. the sort who went to selfridges and bought brie.

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Harry gets home
Harry: wheres MY food??
Dad: ummm....you were late
Harry: but where is it??
Dad: umm...I ate it
Harry: all of it?
Dad: yes.