Mrs Bennet

An evening with Snoise's family




mum: shes just faking, she definately doesnt have chronic depression
Snoise: how do you know, you a counsellor, you not being very sympathetic
mum: when i was there the other day she had a cold and didnt get out of bed.  I had a cold AND a sore throat AND i couldnt breathe AND my back hurt and I went to scotland

mum: you dont want to end up like your aunt, 56, toothless and single
Snoise: she lost her teeth in an accident!
mum: but she hasnt fixed them yet has she. you need to marry someone to take care of you. you should marry that friend of yours! the one with the job! he definately likes you! I can tell from your facebook photos
Snoise: what are you talking about??
dad: we dont have to marry her off just yet
Mum: im not saying we should marry her off. I wouldnt mind if she had her own home and toy boys ...or girls or something...but was financially secure
Sn: STOP INTERFERING IN MY LIFE. I know who you remind me of! Mrs Bennet. soon your be wearing bonnets, boasting how il be married by spring and wailing for your smelling salts!
Mum; EXCELLENT. THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA. I will wear eccentric clothes and be crazy
dad: you mean you dont do that already?
mum: and I will take to my bed and complain constantly to make you all take care of me?
dad: you mean you dont do that already?
Snoise: I dont think youd enjoy this comparison so much if you reread the book. Mrs Bennet is very embarrassing. Like you. I definately wont introduce you to anyone until I actually am going to marry them
Mum: but you dont give me anything to speculate about! at the moment you could be marrying the cat or the heron and thats it.
Snoise: thanks mum.


****************
dad: I used to get the bus to selfridges, wander around then buy a big slice of fresh brie from the foodhall and eat it on the bus home.
Snoise: how old were you?
dad: thirteen
Mum: and there...you can see the sort of boy your dad was. the sort who went to selfridges and bought brie.

**************
Harry gets home
Harry: wheres MY food??
Dad: ummm....you were late
Harry: but where is it??
Dad: umm...I ate it
Harry: all of it?
Dad: yes.

"WHERES SPENCER AND HUGO?"

YLATT on Tour round 2: South of France: Snoise and Shimmey

 One of our favourite boats. Good Name.

 Hello!

 Shimmey: you reckon if I go up to the owner and point out that it would match my outfit and I like yellow they would give it to me?

Shimmey: theres a lizard on my towel. I shall name him Gerald.
Snoise: Gerald the Lizard 
Shimmey: yes. hes so cute! but I sort of want to lie down *shakes him off the towel*
(5 mins later): Owwww I miss gerald!




Snoise: I just saw a bat! what shall we call him?
Shimmey: MICHAEL CANE. HIS NAME IS MICHAEL CANE
Snosie: thats so wrong but....so right


********


Shimmey: im still just waiting for Spencer and Hugo (off Made In Chelsea). WHERE ARE SPENCER AND HUGO?




Snoise: so are we boat hunting or man hunting?
Shimmey: mainly boat hunting, neither of us is confident enough to hunt a man
Snoise (pointing at a group of english guys near a very big boat) you reckon thats their boat?? shall we try and casually befriend them?
Shimmey: go on then
Snoise: but.....Im all blotchy


*********
They go to Nice where is pours with rain, they decide to use the towel they brought with them as an umbrella


Shimmey: this works quite well but we look ridiculous
Snoise: think of it like this, we are arthur dent exploring the universe, a frood always knows where his towel is!
Shimmey: yes, towels really are the most useful things


Later
Snoise: NO YOU HAVE THE DAMP TOWEL
Shimmey: NO YOU HAVE IT


Laterer
Shimmey: damp towel baby, you can sit there damp towel baby




********
Snoise: arghh im so blotchy!
Shimmey: blotchy blotchy! oooo such a good time....Or not.

I don't like tea... I LIKE GIN

The Last Nite of Uni
Last Nite
Snoise
drinks: 8
people slapped: 2
hangover scale: 4/10

Shimmey:
drinks:8
challenges done: 2
items lost: cat ears
hangover scale: 4/10

Terry:
drinks: unknown but definately a large amount of tequila
drinks had in club alone: 5 shots of vodka
girls left accidentally in club toilets: 1
number of times slapped: 2 (as far as we know)
hangover scale: 9.5/10


*****************
Snoopy: I want to jump out the window
Snoise: I have a solution to this *ties snoopys shoe laces round the table leg)
Later Snoopy: I kind of want to go now. can you untie my shoe laces?
Snoise: ummm....no....i kind of made up the knots




**********
(querying the lack of post bop gathering)
Someone: so has everyone basically just sloped off to have sex?


*********
Shimmey txt to Snoise: I just asked Menshaw for a foursome
the next day
Bushhead: yes she did! and she used my name! like it was an incentive or I especially wanted to!


******************
Chucky starts shaking the table, everyone tells him to stop
Chucky: OMG THE TABLES SHAKING, A SHAKING TABLE! THE WORLDS GOING TO END
everyone points out the amount of glass on the table
Snoopy: look Man, Im on your side, they are all making a big deal about shaking the table, theres nothing wrong with a shaking table. but Man, if your gonna shake tables you should prob do it somewhere else


***********The Grand Tour (Post university adventures)
YLATT on Tour Round 1: Ireland

M-Dog drives Shimmey, Snoise Huge and Faceboy to Ireland. M-Dog and Faceboy are like the parents with the three annoying children in the back.

Back seat banter; 

Shimmey and Snoise (every few hours) : I DONT LIKE TEA....I LIKE GIN (having adopted this as a catch phrase for the whole car journey there, they later on the drive home realised that they hadnt used it once while actually drinking gin or tea on the trip)

Shimmey is holding a sweet in her hand. Huge eats it out of her hand, Shimmey is distraught.

Shimmey "Can I have a polo"

Huge takes out a polo, licks it and gives it to shimmey. She eats it.

Sh "Is it bad that a) you licked the polo before offering it to me and b) i ate it anyway. Look what has become of usm, where this kind of behaviour is almost normal"

Polo licking: an "initiation"  If you eat a licked polo from Huge you are entitled to unlicked polo from Huge for the rest of your life.

Snoise and Shimmey attempt to make the ideal man out of the best bits from their male friends.

 Snoise: "Faceboy likes to do the washing up. And cook. Thats good.

Faceboy "Great, that's the best bit of me..."

M-Dog: wait so are you saying that you need to take small small aspects from all of us to make your perfect man

Snoise: well none of you are perfect are you

Faceboy: a bit harsh...

'Flugalhorn' is used to singal quite when the driver and navigator need to concentrate. ( In How I Met Your Mother the term is used as a sex safety word)

M-Dog pulls into a service station without mentioning that he was stopping. He get's out the car, still with no word and runs off...

Shimmey "Do you think he's going for another poo? I kind of need to toilet, why didn't he just say something, I don't understand"

Huge takes about three biscuits and throws them into his mouth and swallows

Snoise: OMG did you even chew?? how do you do that? its like a cartoon character eating.

Ireland

Game of Ring of Fire. Make a rule.

1st MaR card: Snoise: Terry from then on needs to speak only in rhymes.

2nd: Wilc: M- Dog has to play across the bridge

3rd: M-Dog: before any new rule is made the maker has to cross the bridge

4th: Ball Face: Whenever anyone has to cross the bridge, Wilc (the bridge master) has to cross it as well (this did not end that well for him)

Terry's catch phrase for the evening: "if you talk to me, you must give me time, for remember I must always rhyme"

New drink invented; WinGin (wine and gin) (to go with VodGin and Yehagerboms)

New Game: A bridge too far!: an extension of the evil evil drinking game "Cross the Bridge". In this version instead of just having one bridge (shot of vodka/vodgin) to cross (drink) there is at least two and if your luck fails, you can go backwards, across both bridges. Bad bad times. There are photos of both M-Dog and Shimmey looking like they are about to cry.

Wilc and ACDC look at Snoise and then the open storage bench

Snoise: NOOO! *she is grabbed by both boys who attempt to shove her into the bench but fail due to resistance*

Wilc: its not a big deal! look i can fit in there (gets in the bench)

Snoise: i know i can fit in it, i just dont want to be shut in it

(ACDC shuts Wilc in the bench)

 the only raisin Terry has ever loved.

 11pm sunset, the site of our inebriated midnight swim

 a bit of Dublin class

the leprechaun museum!